Top 20 Reasons To Date a Doctor

1. They have the tool (stethoscope )

2. They can give you the gift of "missing them" because they are always at work.

3. They can give you a free medical consultation (everyone's favourite)

4.You save yourself the embarrassment of going to a doctor with an infection!!

5. They are smart!!

6. They know their anatomy well (know what works and where)

7. They are wild party people in the weekends

8 . "Let's play doctor!"

9. They are well trained to listen.

10. They know how you feel, or at least pretend to!!

11 They always have a strange new story to tell.

12 They offer you a tissue when you feel like crying (it is a reflex).

13 They can stay up all night if you want them to.

14 They can guide you in the gym.

15 Money! (They work long hours for it)

16 Free medical samples!

17 They are unshockable

18 They know what you want to hear and say it!!

19 They always dress nice

20 They are trained in breaking bad news in a nice way

20 Most Funny Medical Quotes

1. “Have you ever been in therapy? No? You should try it. It’s like a really easy game show where the correct answer to every question is: ‘Because of my mother.’” - Robin Greenspan

2. “After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, ‘Maybe life isn’t for everyone’.” - Larry Brown.

3. “The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable.” - Paul Dean.

4. “If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one.” - Dr WC Heuper (1954)

5. “As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, ‘Relax, you’re not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients’, but the another kept reminding me, ‘Howard, you are a veterinarian!’” -Dick Wilson.

6. “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.” - Walter Matthau.

7. “A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy.” - Joan Rivers.

8. “She got her looks from her father: He’s a plastic surgeon.” -Groucho Marx.

9. “For the majority of people smoking has a beneficial effect.” - Dr Ian MacDonald (1963)

10. “Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.” - Samuel Goldwyn.

11. “I was under the care of a couple of medical students who couldn’t diagnose a decapitation.” - Jeffrey Bernard

12. “First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” - Steve Martin.

13. “No-one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.” - Kin Hubbard.

14. “There must be something to acupuncture.After all, you never see any sick porcupines!” - Bob Goddard.

15. “The operation was a complete success, but the patient died of something else.” - John Chiene

16. “I’m not feeling very well, I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.” - Groucho Marx

17. “A psychiatrist is a man who goes to a strip club and watches the audience.”- Merv Stockwood.

18. “Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.” - Jerry Vale

19. “I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridges” - Spike Milligan

20. “The art of medicine is in amusing a patient while nature affects the cure.”

Funny actual writings in medical charts by doctors

The following are apparently actual, unedited, notes written by doctors on patients' medical charts:

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared completely.

3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

7. Healthy appearing, decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused an autopsy.

9. The patient has no past history of suicides.

10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a forty pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree.

30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.